I am so happy to see that the balance of 2013 can now be measured in hours. I will be going to a party in my neighborhood later on tonight, and seeing that ball drop on Times Square at the stroke of 12 midnight is going to feel like the front gate of a prison swinging all the way open.
I cannot take credit for the phrase “kidney stone of a year.” I first saw it in a Doonesbury cartoon where the characters were toasting the end of the 1970s, a “kidney stone of a decade,” and “the worst of times.” In addition to a two-liter or two of Diet Pepsi, one of the items I am bringing to the party will be a 2013 calendar.
As soon after midnight as is feasible, I am going to be setting the calendar on fire. The coming year of the common era 2014 will be a blank book with 365 pages–and I’m quoting an Internet meme that has been making the rounds on Facebook the last day or two.
low highlights of 2013 that made this such a shitty year are (in roughly chronological order):
- The death of my friend Scott on March 10. Scotty was younger than I am (by about six weeks), and we spoke of many subjects–both personal and otherwise–during the many long evening walks that we took, often braving varieties of weather, and often venturing into neighborhoods that neither of us knew very well. The final chapter of Scotty’s life was this fall, in the Memorial Garden at the Unitarian Universalist Church, when we all took turns scattering his ashes among the greenery in the garden. (This is the same garden where my mother’s memorial service took place in 2008, although we did not scatter her ashes there. Unlike Scotty, my mother had alienated so many people that she was seen out of this world mainly in the presence of strangers.)
- The aortic aneurysm. I have not reveled in the myth that I am immortal since I was a teenager, and I know that statistically there are more years behind me than there are ahead of me, but discovering in May that there was something wrong, something tangible, something visible on an X ray and a CT scan, drove the point home that yes, I am mortal. As things stand now, the aneurysm is not getting any larger, and I don’t need to have another CT scan until next November, but still there is a part of me that wonders if it will burst. (The way of telling that an aortic aneurysm has burst is actually quite simple: If I wake up in the morning, it has not burst.) Part of me is surprised that I have made it to 50, since I have never been a role model for self-care, with my earlier abuse of alcohol and my current caffeine overuse–plus the fact that I am overweight, with a cholesterol level that resembles a ZIP code. I have already lived longer than Mozart, Jack Kerouac, and Jesus, so maybe I am more indestructible than I think.
- Susie’s moving to Florida in June. That took quite a lot out of me emotionally–more than I thought it would. Had Comfest not been the same weekend that she left, I am not sure I would not have crashed emotionally, to the point where I would have required hospitalization. So much of my identity from 2011 has focused on being a single parent, and it was something where I had truly found my niche. I earned high praise from Steph, and even from friends of hers who did not have much use for me personally. I have managed to pick up my completely re-bachelored life in the intervening months, and while I have missed Susie, especially on those nights when the house is so quiet that I would have to make any noise to break the silence, I have made the adjustment. I have always been adaptable to new situations, it’s just that this one took longer.
- The death of Russell Speidel. The proprietor of Duttenhofer’s Book Treasures died this summer of prostate cancer. In addition to being a good neighbor, and the owner of the bookstore where I went for all my obscure titles, he was also a very good friend. I was quite high maintenance at the time I lived next door to his store in Cincinnati–drinking too much, spending money foolishly, intermittently employed, and he often hired me to do small jobs for him, and lent me money when I was totally broke. He was not a young man when he died, nor when I knew him, but he was one of those people I thought would always be around. I am glad that he saw my transition from the heavy-drinking neighbor for whom employment was never a given to a father and steadily employed State employee.
When I set the pages of the 2013 calendar on fire soon after midnight, I will revel in the sight of the flames more than any pyromaniac.
I am upstairs in my office typing, with my beloved Alan Parsons Project blaring from the speakers on the desk and the bookcase. Susie and her friends are seeing in the new year with mountains of junk food and hours’ worth of DVDs.
Yes, you read that right. Susie is here until next Monday. On Christmas Eve, I took Southwest Airlines down to Florida to spend the Christmas holiday. The presents were modest all around–I gave Susie three compact disks (two Beatles, one Elvis Presley), and she gave me Robert L. Short’s The Parables of Peanuts. The best gift was being able to see Susie, and knowing that she would be flying back to Ohio with me on the 28th.
She and I did the usual things that we did together in Ohio. We went to a Goodwill store in Rockledge, hung out with our laptops in the Merritt Island Barnes and Noble, and had a meal at Steak ‘n Shake. After using so many hours of Barnes and Noble’s free Wi-Fi, I broke down and bought a new journal. The one I am using now has about 86 pages left, and I am going to fill them before I begin the new volume, even though a new year is the traditional time to begin a diary or christen the next volume of one.
Susie wasted no time in re-establishing contact with friends of hers. Even before she left Florida, she had scheduled a lunch date with the woman who was her mentor during Coming of Age in church last year. I had the pleasure of taking her and her friend Maya–they first met during children’s theater at the Davis Center for the Performing Arts, and reunited at The Charles School, and picked up right where they had left off–to brunch at the Blue Danube. As I knew she would, Maya fell in love with the place.